I don’t have a password

Me: I would like to close this credit card account
Customer Service: Ok, what is the password?
Me: I don’t have a password, I never used this account.
Customer Service: I can’t close the account without a password.
Me: I don’t have a password, I never used this account and I want it closed.
Customer Service: You will need the account number.
Me: I don’t have the account number, I never used this account.
Customer Service: I will have to get you to our fraud department.
Me: I don’t need the fraud department, the account has never been used and I would like to close it.
Customer Service: One moment…
Fraud department: I need your password please.
Me: I don’t have a password, I never used this account and I don’t have the account number either.
Fraud department: What is the phone number you are calling from?
Me: It’s my work number why?
Fraud Department: I’ll have to call you back on that phone.
Me: Umm, ok.
Fraud department: (after calling me back on the number I called in on) Ok we can change your password now.
Me: I don’t need a password I just want to cancel this account.
Fraud department: Oh, this account is already closed. But I can transfer you to our customer service account if you’d like to open an account.
Me: Why would I want to open an account if I called in trying to close an account?
Fraud department: One moment please…
Customer Service: I understand you want to open an account?
Me: (passed mad and now genuinely amused) No, I don’t, I wanted to close an account.
Customer service: I need your password please.
Me: (hangs up)